


Partners in Crime

by Eave



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: (Pining pain train), Action/Adventure, Addiction, Alternate Universe, But the good kind of slow burn, Drama, Drug Use, F/M, Happy Ending, Hope, Multi, Not kidding super sexy times, Romance, Sexy, Shameless Smut, Slow Burn, Soulmates, Swearing, These tags sound intense, Violence, Where you wish the movies went, just trust me, let's try again
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-05
Updated: 2020-05-04
Packaged: 2021-03-01 05:14:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 14,613
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23489665
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eave/pseuds/Eave
Summary: Ben and Rey are struggling and desperate in a system that doesn't know or care who they are. But when they find each other, they're propelled into a journey towards hope and intimacy that will change them forever. From confidants, to lovers, to partners, they'll discover that being soulmates isn't always easy, especially when you're on different sides of the law.Spoiler alert version: Rey is a police officer and Ben is a drug dealer. What happens when they realize that their affinity for one another is getting in the way of them executing their jobs? Can they save each other from their warring worlds and from themselves?
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey & Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 4
Kudos: 13





	1. Good Instincts

Her hair was escaping the bun it had been so tightly wound into at the beginning of her shift. It was hanging through the back of her grey baseball cap and bobbing in time with her steps. She was silhouetted by the grey vertical lines of buildings and barred windows, the after work bustle long thinned. The softer blue light of twilight was just beginning to cast its finger-like shadows across the sidewalk. Rey shifted her backpack on her shoulders and glanced at a twisted street sign before taking a left. A tightly rolled up McDonald’s bag swung at her side. Two more blocks and the buildings were thinning into brick townhouses with patchy dirt yards. She stepped over a bicycle laid down on the sidewalk and continued on her way.

Rey could feel the rumble in her chest before she truly heard it. She stopped at the crosswalk in front of her and looked across the park strip and forest on the other side. The nose of a plane came sliding into view from beyond the tree tops and she followed it as it breached high over the park, reflecting a gentle pink hue, and banked to fly away from the city at Rey’s back.

She blinked herself out of the trance she found herself in and looked both ways before jogging across the street, cutting through the grass of the park to meet the railroad tracks. Already partially hidden by a patchwork of trees, she followed them until dropping down the embankment on the far side and coming to a chainlink fence.

Rey glanced behind her as a cicada began its rapid patter of buzzing and she smiled at the opportunity to throw her shoulder into the gate with a casual lean. The chains holding it shut clamored and strained, but slid just wide enough for her to duck underneath and take off into the protected clearing. She made for the base of a baby blue water tower. The trees around it were cleared, but along the edges of the surrounding chainlink fence the forest pressed in, its summer green leaves thick and warm in the heat of the evening.

As Rey reached the bottom of the scaffolding and began to make her practiced climb to the top, the mosquitos swirled white in the lowering light of the sun above her. She knew the patterns of the metal and found a settling peace to repeating the movements of the climb over and over to gain the top. Her hands gripped the railing that ran along the grated walkway at the top and she pulled herself up and under to stand at the top and stretch tall and straight. She turned and looked behind her. Beyond an expanse of trees the sunset was setting over water. She collapsed down against the shadowed side of the tower and crinkled open the bag she’d carried between her teeth, licking her dry lips of the taste of paper mingled with grease.

She peeled open a fish sandwich to the beginnings of another rumble. Even sitting, she was high enough above the trees to see the sparkle of water in the distance as the roar grew louder and she smiled as she took her first bite. She waited. And she tipped her head back against the tower as the white belly of a plane rushed into her vision, wings reaching and soaring over in a roar, close enough for her to see the metal rivets. She went with it for a moment, feeling as though the wings might lift her and buoy her with it. She chewed and grinned as the 737 banked left to fly over the water and disappear into a sunset quickly turning brighter shades of orange and pink.

The sounds of the plane began to dissipate. She swallowed and stopped. A methodical clang was coming from below and she dropped her sandwich back in the bag and made it to one knee before a torso appeared over the edge of the walkway. A man with shoulder length black hair blinked at her, chest rising and falling. He looked her over.

“Huh,” he grunted and hauled himself under the railing. He righted and glanced out at the view. He was huge. Surely over six feet tall and built. Rey closed her mouth.

“Excuse me,” accused Rey, getting onto her feet and eyeing him from the side. No one ever came up here. This was her hideaway, her patio, and who the hell was this?

“You’re excused,” said the man, still looking out over the trees and wiping the back of his hand across his forehead. He leaned on the railing, bending a knee and relaxing into the heat of the sun that just angled over the top of the tower to catch his upper half. Rey glanced around. He wasn’t leaving.

“This is private land. You shouldn’t be here,” she said.

“Clearly.” He rubbed his nose and pulled his hand through his hair. “But here you are.”

He looked down at her and she felt leveled by his stare. He was gorgeous. And intense. And she was only fairly certain she could take him if he came at her. She was acutely aware of how isolated they were with night rolling in. Then his stomach growled and the corner of his mouth turned up. He leaned away into the sunset again and Rey felt the tension ease and the silence settle in. The sound of frogs in the wetter portions of the woods were beginning to awaken and golden hour was going to fade before long. She slowly sat herself back down against the tower again and reached back into her bag for her sandwich.

She glared up at him as she took another bite and tried not to resent the company. The company’s stomach growled again and she sighed through her nose.

“You want a fry?” She asked through a mouthful of food. He looked over his shoulder at her as the rumble of another plane began from behind them. He hesitated.

“You try anything and I will push you off this tower,” she said and laid the paper bag down on the grating next to her with the fries on top. He suppressed a snort and pushed himself away from the barrier, not taking his eyes off her, and sat down within arms reach.

It was clear he’d had a rough day. He was filthy, the corner of his shirt was sporting a good sized tear and he clearly hadn’t had time to eat. Rey wasn’t sure what trouble he’d found himself in but she felt disarmed watching his eyes flutter shut with the taste of the first fry. He set his head back against the water tower to watch the plane fly over their heads. She watched it too.

“Rough day?” She asked, taking another bite of her sandwich. He took a bite of two fries this time and chuckled.

“Something like that,” he said. He considered her and loosened. “Some days it doesn’t feel like my instincts are on point.” Rey understood. Harborview wasn’t a great neighborhood. She knew that first hand. Growing up here she’d washed car windows at stop lights for extra cash. She ran a side hustle in elementary school fixing bikes, then stealing bikes. Sometimes there’d be food at home, and sometimes, even if there was, she would rather be out, eating the restaurant’s leftovers after they dumped them for the night. She didn’t need to push to know what a rough day in Harborview felt like. Especially alone.

“You don’t get tired of the food?” He asked as he crammed three whole fries in his mouth. Rey looked at him with suspicion and he pointed at her baseball cap on the way to bring another fry to his mouth. She realized she was still wearing her McDonald’s uniform from work.

“Free food is free food,” she shrugged. “There’s nothing wrong with having a job and doing what you need to do to get ahead.”

“Cheers to that,” he said, bringing a fry up to meet hers. She cheered him.

“Thanks,” he said, popping it in his mouth.

“No problem.”

Another plane flew over their heads and grew smaller as it blended into the clouds and the shadows just starting in the distance. The sun had dropped below the horizon and Rey balled up her sandwich wrapper. She ate the occasional fry, but for the most part left them to him. She doubted they’d make much of a dent on his hunger, but she felt better knowing he’d feel at least a bit better. He was eating them like they were saving his soul.

“I used to work for my family’s business,” he said. Rey rolled her head over to look at him. He was staring off into the past, and she could feel the conflict under his expression. “It was a shit hole of a job,” he pulled himself back and looked at her with the beginnings of a smile, “it didn’t even pay well, but it gave me the experience I needed to break out and do my own thing.” He turned to lean against the water tower toward her. “I didn’t mean to sound condescending before. A job is a job, and a start, there’s nothing wrong with that.”

Rey nodded. She knew he was being authentic, and she begrudgingly felt her guard dropping further. He had given her a piece of honesty, and she felt compelled to give some back in return.

“It’s not my dream job, but it’s a consistent paycheck. It’s a stepping stone to a start, somewhere outside of Harborview” she offered.

He nodded.

“I wouldn’t believe that from most people, but you,” he said. “I believe you.” She felt a rush of gratitude, and was surprised by it. Harborview was unforgiving. People didn’t leave. And even though they talked about their plans and where they were going, everyone seemed to be stuck. Generations were trapped on repeat. She looked at him, and he was already looking at her. He seemed to feel the weight his belief had on her. He nodded.

“You’re going to make it,” he said. He smiled, “I believed you could push me off this tower. And I believe you’re right about getting ahead. You do what you have to do. I believe you will.”

Rey took a deep breath. She had been going through the motions for so long, telling herself that it would all come to something at some point, but she was never truly sure. Application after application had been turned down. She had thought about quitting so many times. She didn’t know she needed someone to understand, or to believe in her. It felt—like a relief.

“You have good instincts,” she said. He stopped eating. “It’s hard—being alone. You can’t know what the right decision is.” Her voice came out just above a whisper, but he was leaning in after it. “At some point you just have to make one. You have to keep moving forward.”

Shadows of trees cast across them and over the tower. The sun had dropped and golden hour had been swallowed by the canopy as the beginnings of stars broke through the purple blue of sky behind his head. The slow roar of a plane grew louder as it crossed in blinking lights over their heads, but they didn’t look away from each other. Rey cleared her throat and gathered up the remaining trash between them.

“It’ll be dark soon, we should start climbing down before it’s too dark to see the scaffolding,” said Rey, getting to her feet.

“It’s fine, I’m going to hang out for awhile,” said the man, dodging her gaze. Rey narrowed her eyes.

“You can’t stay up here,” she said. He lit a cigarette and took a long deep breath on it. She gave him a pointed look.

“I’m not—“

“Don’t lie to me,” said Rey. She shook her head. “The wind will freeze you out and they check the tower on Wednesday mornings.” His attention was back to her and he had a look of knowing. She didn’t like how much it bordered on pity. She walked to the ladder.

“Where are you sleeping?” He asked.

“At home,” said Rey. She swung a leg over the railing to descend. He took an indulgent breath on his cigarette and breathed it out into the wind. He stood up, stretched his shoulders, and swore.

“Come back. Come back here,” he hissed, reaching for the ladder and grabbing her before she could disappear over the edge.

“”What are you—“ she breathed, clinging to the rungs with one hand and drawing a fist with the other. He leaned down close to her face.

“Look,” he said. Rey followed his gaze over her shoulder as two flashlights made their way towards the gate.

“Fuck.”

“Yah,” he whispered, letting go over her arm so she could climb back over the railing onto the walkway. “This is my fault, they followed me here,” he said. Even in the dark Rey could see him kneading his jaw.

“Followed—nevermind.” Rey put up her hood and walked to the far edge of the tower. “Stay here until I give the signal, then get down that ladder.” She threw a leg over the railing.

“Are you kidding me?” Said the man, flinging his cigarette and taking a step toward her.

“No,” said Rey and dropped over the edge. He looked down after and saw her climbing down the scaffolding into the dark. She moved purposefully and gracefully across the bars. He moved away from the drop and looked around the curved wall of the tower. Beams of light lit up the ladder and he ducked away. A scream pierced the silence and he felt his heart sink as he rushed to the edge of the walkway to see Rey lit up by the beams of the flashlights. She was hanging by one hand, kicking frantically and crying out for help. He swung a leg over the railing then paused. He watched the cops running around the edge of the tower and pulled himself back to the safety of the walkway. He shook his head.

“Some signal,” he muttered and moved slowly around the edge of the tower back to the ladder. He felt for its edge and descended as quickly as he could, feeling for each rung in the dark. He could see the girl through the ladder. She had grabbed with both hands now and managed to swing a leg over the metal rung as well. She made a show of trying to slowly descend steel bars to the guidance of the men below. Her voice was a full octave higher than normal and he smiled at her frantic tone. She deserved an Oscar for this. He moved his foot down to find the next rung and found open air. End of the road. He hesitated as he looked out into the dark where he knew a steel bar should be. Rey was right. Doing this in the cover of dark wasn't easy.

He reached and found the bar, grabbed it with his other hand then swung out with his legs. He missed it the first time and spent a precarious moment dangling by his arms, wondering how she made it look so easy. He swung his legs up again and this time wrapped them around the steel bar, sliding himself down. He felt for another bar and lowered himself down again. The girl was three quarters of the way down now and had descended into panicked hysterics.

“I can’t do it. I can’t hold on anymore!”

He knew the feeling. His hands were starting to cramp and the pattern in the steel had changed. He reached down to where a rung should be and found open air, his balance wavered and he pitched into the dark. He turned in the air, reaching out for anything solid and his back collided with the ground. The air went out of his lungs and his hands flew instinctively to his chest. That one hurt. A litany of curses flushed through his mind as he rolled over to his hands and knees, his brain screaming for oxygen, but he made it up to run for the gate. Getting to the road he saw the unattended cop car and smiled. He had an idea. 

Rey was wondering how much longer she should stall before giving up and coming down when an explosion of lights and sirens went off to her left.

“What the—“

“Shit!”

The first cop took off for the car while the second danced between staying and backing up his partner. Rey wiped the tears from her eyes.

“I’ll be back, okay? Just stay there!” Said the officer. Rey nodded and clung to the crossbar. He took off after his partner. Rey didn't waste any time. She swung herself around the cross-section, slid down a long beam, and hopped down the remaining scaffolding, landing firmly on the ground. She took off at a sprint toward the chainlink fence, not missing a beat as she jumped onto it and had dropped down the other side before the sirens had subsided.

She hoped the man from the water tower was able to get away. She was momentarily concerned, then smiled as she cut through the woods to the railroad tracks. He was a good partner with good instincts. She was sure he made it out clean.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading, I hope you enjoyed it! This will be a multi-chapter story and I'm looking forward to taking others along for the ride. I've got the plot mapped, but I love the collaboration this fandom provides as they get invested along the way, so if you have any ideas, I'd love to know. This is also my first time posting, so if you see anything that's off, please let me know. 
> 
> This does have an Explicit rating and there will be heat in the coming chapters. Get ready my fellow Reylos. I know why you're here. 
> 
> Please leave a comment/kudo to let me know what you think and where you hope this goes!


	2. Dinner and a show

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The remaining low light was flickering their shadows across each other. Their bodies moved closer, then touched. The energy was sudden and palpable. His grip tightened on her and her breath quickened. Their faces hovered in front of each other and there was no denying what they wanted. What they were going to do.

One week later Rey was standing in front of a cash register, the pressure in her feet radiating as constant pain through her ankles, and mind on a nightmare repeat of smiles and button pressing. When the door to the McDonalds opened, she glanced away from the wispy haired customer in front of her and locked eyes with the tall dark haired man that was walking through the door. 

It was him.

The edges of his mouth turned up and he ducked away to slide into a booth behind a wall of cloudy glass bricks. Someone in front of her was saying something. She looked at her customer. They looked back. Rey came back to herself, a bright shade of red creeping up her neck into her cheeks. 

“I’m sorry, can you repeat that?” She asked, laser focused on finishing the order and immediately taking her fifteen. She spent a moment tucked out of view, staring at the fries. She recounted her feelings as he had walked in. Shock, then self consciousness, then something else. She wasn’t sure, but she was going to sort it out, and she wasn’t going to wait a moment longer to do it. Walking around the corner, she crossed through the lobby and slid into the booth across from him.

He was slouched back in the corner of the bench seat. Comfortable, casual. He smiled and straightened just so. 

“You’re going to level me with that glare if you’re not careful,” he said. Rey realized how intensely she was studying him and consciously flexed her shoulders, looking away to relax her face. When she looked back he leaned in towards her, forearms sliding onto the table. She slipped instinctively back into a scowl, and he could feel her focus on him, and he was comfortable with it.

“Why are you here? How did you even find me?” She jumped in before he could speak. She was back to that same level of intensity from when she first sat down and he didn’t mind. 

“Don’t pretend you don’t want to see me,” he said. Rey raised an eyebrow. _The pompous, arrogant—_

“I came to ask you to dinner,” he cut into her thoughts, leading with a softer edge and smiling with the most subtle falter of confidence. “I figured you might want to eat something other than McDonald’s for a change. You covered for me the other day and I owe you one.”

He put out his hand across the table and Rey followed the line of his body down his arm to his palm. “I’m Ben,” he said, leaving it extended. Rey hesitated. “I want to thank you,” he said softer, starting to fold his fingers back in. His words brought her eyes back up to his. 

Rey reached out her hand before he could pull away and placed it in his. 

“I’m Rey,” she said. He squeezed her hand back, relieved. 

“Nice to meet you,” he returned. Their hands slid away from each other.

Rey studied him and got the sense that this wasn’t his normal behavior. That he was out on a limb, and it softened her to him. At the water tower he had been—understanding. She had felt a connection with him, and he had covered for her as well. She wasn’t interested in a Harborview man, or any distraction from her current goals, especially one she hardly knew. But that was the thing. Looking at him again, he didn’t feel like a stranger. If she was honest with herself, she had an innate feeling of trust. Camaraderie. He seemed to _know_ her. And he could keep up with her in a bind.

She looked at the way his hair framed his face. He cleaned up well. His situation at the water tower a week ago must have been pretty dire when she thought of how disheveled he was then compared to now. Put together in black jeans and a black jacket he he looked charming. She internally rolled her eyes at herself. Who was she kidding; he was fucking _gorgeous_. She knew her choice was inevitable from the start. 

Ben’s hair slipped down over one ear but he made no move to correct it. Rey sighed and made a show of looking around at the restaurant, then squinted back at him. 

“Why do you think I need a change from my usual dinner plans?” She mocked. His lopsided grin grew. He looked at her like he was actually considering the question, and as his smile faded so did Rey’s. His voice was low when he answered.

“Because you’re too resilient to treat yourself.” 

Rey straightened. How the fuck did he do that?

“When?” She asked. Ben eyed a family as they walked close to their table. The two kids were squabbling over who got what toy and Ben met their mother’s eyes as she looked him over and steered her kids away. 

“When do you get off?” He asked. Rey scrunched her nose. 

“Midnight,” she said. He looked pleasantly surprised. 

“Perfect,” he replied. Rey narrowed her eyes at him. 

“What do you have in mind?

“My surprise,” he told her. Rey considered the possible outcomes, the logical part of her brain telling her how absurdly dangerous this whole thing could be. But before the logical arguments could even come up in her mind, she had already countered them. She knew he wasn’t a stranger. And she knew she didn’t feel threatened by him. She felt enveloped. Known. And respected. Maybe even desperate. She had to acknowledge that. She had been lonely for so long—was she just clinging to the first person to show her even an inkling of intimacy? 

It didn’t matter-she was too ready to turn back. 

“Alright. But I’m not interested in anymore encounters like before,” said Rey, looking up at the front counter and dropping her voice. “I can’t afford—those kinds of run ins. I appreciate you covering for me, I just don’t want a rerun.” 

“You covered for me as well. I just want to say thank you,” said Ben.

“You could just _say_ thank you.”

“I don’t want to just say thank you.” 

Rey felt a rush through her body and her heart made a sudden gallop in her chest. She felt like she was melting. Could he tell?

“Then I’ll see you at midnight,” she said. “For dinner.” She looked at him sidelong and he looked at her lips. 

“For dinner,” he said. He threw her a lopsided grin as he leaned forward and slid out of the booth. They looked at each other for a silent moment, and Rey wondered if she should say anything, but he turned and was walking away before she could form the words. She took a slow deep breath and let it out in a rush. She drummed her fingers on the stretched plastic of the seat as the door swung closed behind him. He turned and caught her staring after him, but she didn’t look away. Their eyes lingered before he turned again and walked off into the foot traffic outside. 

Rey wondered what was happening to her life. She wondered at how suddenly the monotony had been shattered.

* * *

Ben was waiting for her when she walked out the front door of McDonalds. She looked around and saw him leaning against the building, waiting. She smiled at him and he smiled back, that slight lopsided grin. He couldn’t get enough of her. He knew it wasn’t great timing, that he wasn’t prince charming and that his life wasn’t inviting or accommodating, but despite himself, he wanted to make room for her. He was drawn to her strength, her fight, and the sense of familiarity he felt with this woman that he couldn’t shake. And that he couldn’t walk away from. 

He gestured with his head for her to follow and she came up next to him as he began to walk away down the sidewalk, matching his pace. Rey noticed how significantly taller than her he was. She wasn’t going to size him up right then and there, but she thought she might come up to his shoulder. A little tall for—she cut off the thought. Nope. Dinner.

Again, Rey wondered if she should say anything. There was no crowd to weave through at this time of morning. The street was silent save for a few arrant cars, and the street lights lit their way under a moonless sky.

“You walk home at midnight alone?” Asked Ben.

“I can take care of myself,” said Rey, glancing his direction and digging her hands deeper into her pockets.

“I’ve noticed,” said Ben. 

“No one’s typically awake to bother me,” she responded, more gently. “I switch up the route I take, and my shifts, so I’m less predictable to anyone who might be watching anyway.”

Ben glanced at her and felt an instinct to protect. She was smart, he knew, but he worried about her being in the wrong place at the wrong time. She seemed small next to him. Capable—he knew—but she came up to his shoulder and his stomach sank the more he imagined every scenario she could encounter, or had encountered, walking the streets of Harborview at night.

Rey felt the distance between them close ever so slightly as they walked. 

“You’re smarter than this area of town would make you, but you’re right on the outskirts of shit hole USA. You’ve got a job. School?” He looked at her.

“You’re wasting dinner conversation,” said Rey. She was was watching the street signs. They were heading toward her old stomping grounds. Harborview. It wasn’t an area she tried to frequent. Bad memories and acquaintances lingered here, and she wasn’t fond of either. It was amazing the changes that could take place within three blocks, but the proof was apparent. The frequency of barred and boarded windows was increasing, and with them her anxiety. She was about to halt their progress when Ben did so for her. 

“This way,” he said. She followed him down an alley and the thought occurred to her that she was following some broke hungry guy through Harborview at Satan o’clock in the morning, and how fucking dumb that sounded in the third person, when they came to a door. He reached up and turned the unlocked handle. “We’re here,” he said, and held the door for her. 

Rey wrestled a moment of doubt. But she looked at his face, calm and honest, and any man from Harborview that could muster that kind of vulnerability was a man she wanted to trust. She stepped through the doorway. 

Ben walked them through the back kitchen. The smells of spices were were thick in the air and she breathed them in deeply. They came out into the main seating area of the restaurant and she slowed her pace, taking it in. The space was dispersed with round plastic tables, each with a tea light burning on it, except for a single table in the center. It had a white table cloth and a single red rose in the center, two tea lights on either side. There were settings for two. 

Ben was watching her closely as she slowed, her eyes sweeping the tables, and he relaxed as an awed smile began to spread across her face.

“I’m definitely underdressed for the occasion,” she said. 

“I can fix that,” said Ben. “Go freshen up.” He nodded to the bathroom nearby and Rey looked at him with humored suspicion. She had never been to a nice dinner before. Never eaten with anyone over candlelight-just with herself when her power was cut. She felt giddy. With a barely contained grin she made for the bathroom. 

She opened the door and turned on the light. A typical Harborview bathroom with peeling wallpaper and stained sink stared back at her. She let the door swing closed behind her and her eyes grew wide as she saw what hung on the back of the door in the mirror’s reflection. She spun around. A black velvet dress hung by its spaghetti straps from a hanger. She brushed her fingertips along the long bell skirt. She was afraid to take it off the hanger, to even put it on. But not that afraid.

With barely tamed excitement she striped off her McDonald’s uniform and threw it into her backpack. She wiggled into the black dress and zipped it in the back. It ended in a deep V just above her lower back, with the full length of the dress falling just below her knees. She placed her hands on its high waste and took in the full view in the mirror. The plunging V neckline looked modest but bold on her small chest. She looked down at her unshaved legs and shook her head. He’d thought of everything. She pulled the pair of black stockings off the hanger as well and slid her feet into the most comfortable pair of pointed black heels imaginable. 

How had he known her size? Not just her dress size, her shoe size? She pushed the suspicion out of her mind. She was here to have fun. To relax. Yes, it was after midnight and she was exhausted, but there was a table made for two out there and she was ready to enjoy herself. She let down her hair, tousled it between her fingers and placed it in a bun high on her head. With one last look in the mirror she walked out of the bathroom.

Ben was standing by the table in a tasteful pair of black jeans, a black button down, and a red apron. He was pouring the second of two glasses of wine as she approached. He looked up at her and her heart fluttered in her throat. She swallowed it down and smiled.

“You have good taste,” she said, holding the skirt off to the side to mockingly show herself off.

“I know,” smiled Ben. Rey rolled her eyes. He lifted a glass to her and she accepted. Something was sizzling on the stove in the kitchen and he took his wine glass with him as he walked around the half counter to check on it. 

“Sit down and relax,” he said. “It won’t take long.” 

Rey pulled her chair out so it was partially facing Ben in the kitchen and sat down at the table. Surrounded by candles, she felt elegant. Graceful. She sipped her wine and watched Ben cook. She wasn’t sure what he was making, but she could tell he had at least two pans going on the stove, and the steam rising from another marked an additional pot. He was chopping away, relaxed amidst sizzling and boiling, occasionally stirring and adjusting as he went. In the middle of multi-tasking, he reminded her of a slow lazy morning.

“How do you stay so calm in chaos?” Rey asked him. He spared a moment to look up at her, leaning on the table, turning the wine glass slowly with her fingers.

"Some things don't matter. Even if they don't end well, even if they're chaotic; the consequences don't matter. Not once you've experienced," he paused, "-real stress." Rey wanted to dig into his answer, to interject, but a piece of her whispered that she didn't want to know. Tonight was for fun. _Don't ruin it with answers you don't want to hear,_ her brain warned. "Some things just doesn’t deserve a rise out of you.” he finished, pushing through her trepidation. He poured something into the pot and stirred. “You’re calm under pressure. How do you do it?”

Rey had never considered herself calm under pressure, but she thought back to the water tower, to her life in Harborview and the things she did to get by. She never felt relaxed in them, not the way Ben seemed to be. The way the world seemed to roll off his confidence. 

“I don’t feel calm,” she admitted. “I just know what needs to be done, so I do it. I don’t think of what comes next,” she said. 

“Harborview will do that to you,” said Ben. “It teaches you how to survive. How to be the strongest version of yourself.” He turned off a burner and took another sip of wine.

“You’re not from here, are you?” smiled Rey. Anyone who had grown up here knew that beneath a sense of strength for surviving was a sense of shame for what they’d done to do so. Ben spoke with a sense of gratitude for this place. She felt resentment for who it had made her. What it had taken from her. Ben set down his glass. 

“No,” he said. “I moved here after leaving my family’s business. I know it’s isn’t the American dream most people are after, but for me, it was freedom. I could be who I wanted to be here. Do what I wanted to do. Harborview just became—home.” 

“I don’t have much to compare it to,” said Rey, looking away from his face. “I’m not sure what white picket fences and grocery stores stocked with _organic_ produce are like, but they’ve always sounded better than having your electricity turned off or eating—“ she looked at his face and stopped. He was studying her and she didn’t want his pity.

“I know,” he said. Not the joking arrogance of before, but gentle. And he did know. He hadn’t come from Harborview, but after landing here, it hadn’t been easy for him either. He had been alone, had taken nothing with him, and he wasn’t a stranger to wanting or fighting to make ends meet. His life since moving here had become full of uncertainty. He knew the toll it could take on someone. Would have taken on Rey after years of existence in this place.

Then he straightened and began wiping down the countertop. “But tonight, we don’t have to worry about that. We’ve opted out of electricity anyway,” he said gesturing around the candle lit room. Rey breathed a laugh and let out the tension she’d been holding. Ben took off his apron and readied the plates, bringing them around to the table. Rey looked at them, then looked at him, impressed. He laughed at her expression. 

He had made pasta with a white sauce and shrimp and a side of sautéed vegetables. He set down the plates for each of them and took his seat across from her. 

For Rey, dinner was a haze. She felt like a child at a birthday party, the center of attention with a constant stream of surprises and laughter. She felt light. Joyful in a way that she hadn’t in maybe her whole life. Ben was a good cook, and good company. He was kind, personal, but not overly intimate. He knew where the line was between enjoying their time and pressing for more. He left that to Rey.

And the more they talked about life, their futures, and common struggles, the more they laughed and drank. And the more Rey gave by way of lingering looks and brief touches. Ben waited, letting her lead, never taking more than she was willing to offer. So she offered more—felt safe to—until the bottle of wine was gone, their plates were licked clean, and the light in the room continued to dim as the tea lights burned out one by one. Finally, candlelight flickered between them, and Rey was letting out the last of a laugh when her hand came down to rest in his. 

She let her fingertips brush his palm, and he raised his thumb to brush across her knuckles. She took in their hands for a moment then swallowed and reached for their plates instead. 

“I can get a start on dishes,” she said, standing and whisking away the plates. “It’s the least I can do.” She made it as far as the kitchen counter before Ben caught up to her and blocked her path. 

“I got it,” he said, reaching out for the plates. “You can just say thank you,” he teased, leaning over her to take them. Rey looked at his face, the way his dark hair fell over his ears. She followed the line of his nose, the assuredness in features. Ben looked back and forth between her eyes, down the line of her neck to her shoulder. He felt more full of life, compassion, than he had in years. Since long before he had ever moved here. Rey felt a connection with him in the vast emptiness that life in this run down neighborhood had denied her. She wanted more of it. Ben watched the uncertainty then resolve play across her face. She pulled the dishes away and set them on the counter. 

“I—“ she hesitated, then turned to put her hands around Ben’s still outstretched. She looked into his eyes. “I don’t want to just say thank you,” she replied, sounding incredulous even to herself. She stepped in closer, placing his hands on her waste. 

Ben looked back, keeping his eyes locked on hers as he paused, then ran his hands slowly up her sides, bringing her still closer. He studied her face. He knew if they did this, it was more than a one night stand. He wasn’t sure if he could bring this woman into the chaotic sphere of his world. He found that he cared too much about her to want that for her.

He slid a hand around behind her, running a thumb across the skin of her back. He watched her chest moving up and down, pressing her breasts against the thin fabric of her dress in steady succession. She ran her hands up his arms, gripping his biceps and moving closer. The remaining low light was flickering their shadows across each other. Their bodies moved closer, then touched. The energy was sudden and palpable. His grip tightened on her and her breath quickened. Their faces hovered in front of each other and there was no denying what they wanted. What they were going to do. 

Ben brought his body to hers, pulling her closer to himself and pushing her back against the counter with his full height. He looked at her nose, her mouth, her bare chest. He brought his face closer to hers, hovering there. The tension between them was crushing with energy. She felt the contours of his body against hers and looked up at his lips, at his eyes, and his flickered back up to hers. 

She managed half a breath before closing the distance between them and crashing their lips together. She needed to be closer; to close the distance between all the spaces between them. Ben was willing to oblige. 

Ben slid his arms up to run his hands along the bare skin between her shoulder blades. Rey pulled him closer by his shoulders and neck, her heels coming out of the backs of her shoes as she stood on her toes. There was still too much space between them. He leaned low and wrapped his arms around her lower back, hugging her tight to lift her off the ground and onto himself. Rey reached around his neck and broke their kiss to laugh as her dress caught against his body and kept her from wrapping her legs around him. He let out an exasperated sigh and set her back down. 

Wrapping his hands under her arms against her ribcage, thumbs brushing her breasts, he lifted. Her feet came off the ground again easily, and she braced herself with her hands on his shoulders. He locked his arms with her against him and she kissed him, smiling against his lips as he carried her around the counter, squealing when he tripped on her shoes and putting a hand out on the countertop to guide them around the corner into the kitchen.

Ben set her down on the countertop and placed his hands under the hem of her dress, reaching up so his hands could rest on her thighs. He looked up at her face. Rey breathed heavily and pushed a lock of hair behind his ears. His expression was soft but hungry for her. She placed her hands behind his elbows and gently pulled, sliding his hands up higher. His thumbs traced up the inside of her legs and she gripped his arms tighter, her eagerness taking over. He ran his hands up her legs, quickly but firmly running his thumbs across her underwear and sending shivers through her brain. He placed his hands on her waste beneath her dress, gripping hard, and she wrapped her legs around him and pulled them together. 

The distance between their bodies and lips closed and they clung with intent. Rey pulled his shirt out from his pants and ran her hands along the skin of his back. Ben broke their kiss to run his lips down her neck, sliding the strap off her shoulder as she let herself groan, breathing against his chest, and pulling herself against the bulge in his pants. Ben put a hand against the countertop, pulling her against him with a hand on her lower back and moaning into her neck in return.

Reaching down between them, Rey undid the buckle of his belt while he nibbled on her ear. She laughed into his hair as she undid the button on his pants, unzipping them as he ran a fingertip across her nipple.

Rey gasped as he pulled her off the countertop and turned her around to lean across the laminate. He traced the edges of her dress around her waste, then ran his hands across her hips, gripping her from the front and sliding a hand between her legs. Her knees buckled and she sat back against him. He gripped harder and she moaned, pressing her buttocks against his crotch, rubbing against him. He pulled away and took hold of her stockings and underwear at her waste. He leaned over her back.

“Okay?” He whispered the question as a kiss against her shoulder.

“Yes,” she breathed. The candlelight from their table sent shadows dancing around the kitchen. Her body screamed for contact; for the warmth and power that Ben held. His touch was like torture; it was never enough. He slid her underwear and stockings down to her thighs. The pale skin of her buttocks was framed by black velvet, and he grasped each cheek tightly, pressing the skin of his palms against her. Rey paused.

“Do you have—“

“Yah,” said Ben, reaching into his pocket. He tore open the plastic and placed the rubber over his penis. He leaned into her and she breathed deeply, hands pressed against the white tile backsplash, pressing herself back against him. Then slowly, placing a hand around her front he entered her, pulling her slowly into him, timing his speed by the quickening of her breath. 

“Are you okay?” He asked. Rey pushed herself back onto him, a sure signal of how she was feeling

“Yes,” she acknowledged, taking in the feeling of him inside her, the way his hands were sliding and grasping against her skin, savoring. He pulled out then back in, slowly at first, then quickening. Rey fumbled for something to hold onto, settling on the metal of the stove top and the wooden edge of the upper counter. Ben breathed, then moaned, gripping her hips, when the feint sound of a voice came from the back of the restaurant. 

“Are you _fucking_ kidding me,” said Ben, stopping. 

“What?” Said Rey, lifting her head. He pulled out and ripped off the condom, throwing it into the trashcan nearby. The sound of a doorknob turning came from behind.

“Fuck!” Whispered Rey as Ben grabbed the edges of her underwear and stockings, pulling them back up as she fumbled to right herself. She pulled down the edges of her dress and Ben ran for the table. 

“I thought you knew the owner. He knows we’re here,” said Rey. “Right?” Ben motioned for her to come to him as he began blowing out the candles. She walked slowly to him. He blew out the last candle and forced her down behind the edge of the counter. It was too late to hide the evidence. 

The lights came on and they looked at each other. Ben’s heart dropped as he looked at Rey, her lips tucked in and her face white, pained. She couldn’t afford any run ins. She was getting out. Out of Harborview. And he was about to take that away from her. He pointed to the bathroom and Rey nodded, swooping up her shoes as they tiptoed to the door. 

“What the fuck is this?” They heard from behind them as Rey opened the door and they slid inside. Ben locked the door behind them and Rey pressed the heels of her hands to her face, her black heels dangling from her fingertips. 

“It’s okay,” whispered Ben, grabbing her waste to stop her pacing. She leaned toward him temporarily then threw his hands off her.

“What were you thinking?” She whispered, tears already smeared around her eyes. Ben opened his mouth to respond. “You lied to me,” she whispered, throat tightening as she held back the emotions threatening to take over her logical mind. He shook his head then stopped himself, swallowing hard. 

“Rey,” he said, bending his knees and hovering his hands over her waste. “You have every right to be angry, but we need to get out of here. You can kick my ass later, but right now, we’ve got to go. We need a plan.” 

Rey stared at him, anger playing across her features. She turned and waved her hand over the paper towel dispenser. The mechanical sound of it tore through the silence. Ben dropped his chin and glared at her. She moved past him, picking up her backpack and tearing the paper towel from the dispenser as a male voice outside the door called out. 

“Hey!” 

Footfalls approached the door and Rey wiped her eyes with the towel, threw it at Ben and unlocked the door. Ben caught the paper towel and turned for the door, but Rey shoved him out of the way. The door flung open and Rey tossed her backpack into the face of the man on the other side. Lifting her dress, she kicked him just below the chest, knocking the wind out of him and pushing him out of the doorway. She swung hard with the high heels and landed a blow to the side of his head. The man fell back out of the doorway and collapsed, unconscious.

Ben stared. 

“Do something with him,” said Rey, grabbing her backpack and sweeping candles into it. Ben kneaded his jaw and grabbed the man by the ankles before dragging him into the bathroom. As he came back out Rey plucked the rose from the vase. 

“Empty this,” she said, holding out the vase for Ben. He took it from her and emptied it in the sink. She looked at the rose for a moment before tucking the stem into the bun on her head. Their table was already cleared and Rey had collected the candles. Ben was tying the trash bag and shoving it in his own pack as Rey rounded the corner. 

“Is that everything?” She asked. 

“Yah,” he said, putting it on his back. “Don’t worry about prints, no one’s going to search this place. They’ll have no proof we were ever here.” Rey’s thoughts exactly. She knew whoever she had knocked unconscious was going to wake up any moment. They never stayed out as long as they do in the movies. She made for the door as Ben followed, looking over his shoulder for a final glance back toward the bathroom door. 

Rey exited the building first and looked up above the door as the cool morning air rushed against her bare arms and chest. 

“No cameras or system,” said Ben. She scowled at him as she turned and made for the street. 

“Let’s go Scoll to Townsend,” said Ben, turning left out of the alley. They turned onto Scoll two blocks down and then headed up Townsend.

“Shortcut,” said Rey, cutting down another alley. She was ahead of him, heels clicking as she ran, her black dress swirling around her knees. Ben’s chest tightened. He knew she was mad. That she was strong willed and wouldn’t take the way the night had unfolded well. But as she tightened the straps on her backpack, a stark contrast to the rest of her outfit, Ben knew he was hooked. That he would follow her anywhere.

In the back of his mind was a warning. That he’d already gone too far. That this was the perfect excuse to let her go. For her own good. To protect her from himself. But as with many things, he wasn’t sure if he was strong enough.

She was about to jump up onto a dumpster when Ben beat her to it. As she swung a knee up to stand next to him, he spotted her, hovering a hand close to her arm. She would have protested if she hadn’t felt so off balance keeping to the balls of her feet in the heels. She kept her footing, pitching just once and catching herself before making her way to the fire escape. 

Reaching as high as she could, Rey could only reach the second rung of the ladder, the lowest rung still being chest high for her. She looked at Ben and he steadied his feet as she reached up and grabbed it. Ben took her by the waste and lifted, taking the pressure off her pull up so that she could extend an arm even farther for a higher rung. With their strength combined she easily gained the ladder and he followed her up to the roof. 

They were breathing hard as they stood looking out over the rooftops, the lights of the outer city illuminating enough to make out the layout of town. It was still dark, the coldest part of the morning before the sun came up. She was just starting to shiver as she looked at him.

“The next three buildings are attached and we can drop down to the tracks and follow them to my place,” she said. She stopped. “Actually—“

Ben faced her, seeing what was coming. Trying to will himself to let it happen without a fight.

“You can find somewhere else to go,” she said.She clenched her jaw, gripping the straps of her backpack with white knuckles. The cold wind on the rooftop bit at her arms and she looked away from him, dropping her pack and opening it to fish out her jacket. Ben stood, watching her, telling himself not to argue. She pulled it from her pack with a shake and found it covered in drying white wax. She nodded. “Awesome,” she said pulling it over her arms and zipping it up. She pulled out her tennis shoes and stepped into them. She couldn’t avoid it any longer. Straightening up, she faced Ben. He hadn’t moved. 

“I don’t want to see you again,” she said, the waver in her voice explicit, yet she was resolute. 

“Don’t pretend you’re better than this. Better than me." The words poured out of Ben, unbidden. “You’re from the ghetto. You’ll always be from the ghetto. You’ve made that quite clear,” he finished. It came out like a mix of grime and pride. 

“You lied to me!” Spat Rey. “I told you I didn’t want trouble and you led me straight into it!”

“I didn’t lie to you,” said Ben. “I do know the owner of that restaurant and he shouldn’t have been there. I don’t know what happened, but I wasn’t trying to put you in danger—“ Rey looked away, looked toward the dark blank space on the horizon that indicated ocean and shook her head. She tried calm herself enough not to yell. 

“It’s not the danger, it’s the circumstances,” she said. She whirled on him, her anger swelling. “I have the chance to make something of myself. To be more than just some nobody from the ghetto,” she said, gesturing around her. “I can’t see you again.” Ben felt like he’d been struck. “This isn’t what I want.”

“Rey,” said Ben, reaching out as she turned to walk away. “Rey!” He grabbed her arm and turned her to face him. He paused, kneading his jaw, struggling. “I’m sorry.” He said. Rey was silent. “I’m _sorry_. But don’t deny you want to see me again. We make a good team.” His smile was weary, hopeful, and maybe even a bit pained. Rey shook her head. 

“No. We don’t,” she replied, pulling her arm away and abruptly heading for home. 

She followed the fire escapes from one building to the next, dropping down the last building and hitting the tracks. The velvet of her dress whirled around her as she followed the rungs. She didn’t think about the decision she’d made. She felt the cold; was alert to her surroundings instead. She crossed through the woods following a trail she’d worn herself and entered into the Summercrest Trailer Park. 

She unlocked her trailer and stepped inside, locking the door behind her. 

* * *

Ben stood on the roof watching her go. She didn’t look back as the city swallowed her in the distance. Ben thought it had swallowed so many things before her. This was the right decision. How it should end. It was grief that rose in him first, at the loss of her. The loss of hope. And then the loss of everything else. His family. His home. His actual freedom. 

This place wasn’t his freedom. It was his demise. He knew that, but he swallowed it down. This place had made him strong. Independent. He valued that. And his heart twisted toward anger. Because gradually, this city was stealing away everything he had left. It was long ago that he gave into that truth. Somehow, he hoped that if he surrendered to it enough, it would take from him the thing he lacked the courage to give up entirely.

* * *

Rey breathed there in the entryway of her home, still in her wax stained jacket and sneakers. She ran her hands over the velvet around her hips and stared into the dark. A tide was behind her eyes but she clenched her teeth and set down her bag instead. A sort of shock and denial came over her and she walked to her floor length mirror. She took off her jacket. She put back on the heels. She reached up to tuck an errant hair back into her bun and felt petals. The rose was still in her hair. Her fingers hovered over it and she looked at herself. She was beautiful. Elegant. And nothing like herself. 

Slowly she took off the heels, slid out of the stockings and unzipped the dress, letting it drop down around her ankles. This seemed more fitting. She was hallowed by evening wear and luxuries she’d only daydreamed of wearing before. In the middle of them she observed herself; the subtle scars, unshaved legs and too thin frame. Ben’s words rang in her ears. They were a common sentiment. Once from the ghetto, always from the ghetto. She couldn’t escape who she was. She couldn’t escape herself. After all, she’s all she had.

* * *

Ben lit a cigarette with shaking hands. He told himself it was from the cold.

* * *

Rey cried in the shower. She told herself it was exhaustion. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So happy to have this out of my brain and posted! Thank you so much for giving this fic a chance. For all the kudos, comments and bookmarks. They certainly motivated me to edit this chapter faster!
> 
> I'd love to hear any feedback you have and if you enjoyed this at all, let me know through that lovely kudos button. 
> 
> I'm already excited for Chapter 3. It just gets better from here, y'all.


	3. Saving what we love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The moment she had looked up, his mind had flipped. He had to blink twice before registering that it was really her. It was really Rey. The woman he couldn’t get out of his mind. The woman he felt on every rooftop, in every moment of hope or peace he could muster. The only woman he had ever really wanted. The moment he’d accepted it was her standing there, he knew her safety was his priority. It was like Rey had said; he didn’t think of the consequences, just what needed to be done.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you endlessly for the kudos, comments, and even simple hits! It means the world to me when you guys give this fic a chance and let me know that you've enjoyed it. I'm full of gratitude and want you all to know that it gets me excited to keep writing and moving forward with this angsty baby. 
> 
> I've got some disclaimer's for this chapter; TRIGGER WARNING: Drug use. Brief aggression against a minor. We're going to get pretty explicit up front in this one with some drugs and sexiness. And then we're going to get straight back to that drama and pining. We're in quarantine. Drama and pining is life at this point. 
> 
> May the 4th be with you, loves. Enjoy.

Ben threw open the door to the warehouse, snow swirling in behind him. The heat of fall had melted into the first snow of the season swiftly for Ben. He felt himself on autopilot frequently now. An angry stiffness of going through the motions and reaching for distractions had become his default. Sweeping through the door he stopped, dropping his chin to take in the scene. A kid was staring back at him, kneeling over a broken table with a bag and its white contents lined up in front of him. 

“What the fuck are you doing?” Asked Ben. The boy was silent, eyes wide. It didn't take long for Ben's long strides to cross the space between them. He knew exactly what was going on. The boy recoiled out of his fear and leaned his body over the table, wrapping his arms around its contents like a shield against the oncoming assault. 

“Go away,” he yelled, ducking his head. “It’s none of your business!” 

Ben towered over him and glowered. 

“I think it is,” said Ben. “Move.” 

The boy stiffened. Ben gave a quick bluff lunge, stomping hard, and the kid stumbled back to reveal rows of white crystals. Ben scoffed. 

“Get your dumb ass home. You can’t snort crack,” he said, reaching across and pushing the kid away from the table. 

It took Ben off guard, but the kid lunged back. He made a grab for him over the table but his arms were too short to reach and all he succeeded in was rattling the table and shaking its contents askew. He steadied himself and pointed at Ben instead, yelling, "You can't tell me what to do!"

Ben had the disorienting feeling he was caught in some sort of ridiculous cartoon. In a breath he caught the adolescent by the hair and held him at arms length, lowering himself down to look the kid in the eyes. The boy must have been ten, no more than twelve.

“Do you know who I fucking am?” He said slowly, controlled. The blood drained from the boy’s face and he stopped fighting. Lowering his register more, he continued. “Do you know what happens to fuckers who burn me?”

Realization was dawning on the boy's face and he tried to shake his head but he was pulled onto his toes by his hair and his body swung awkwardly, as though on a noose. His limbs trembled uncontrollably. This was the reaction Ben had been going for. He was going to punctuate his point: with a heave, Ben threw the kid across the floor of the warehouse. The boy yelped, hitting the floor hard and tumbling into a heap of flailed limbs. Ben liked the kid’s fire, but he wasn't interested in kids dealing for or buying from him. 

“Go the fuck home. I don’t ever want to see you again." Ben cracked his knuckles for effect and the boy lifted himself from the floor and made a run for it. "If I do, I’ll kill you.” He threw in for flare as the the kid disappeared into the white of outside and was gone. Ben tightened his jaw and looked back at the table, shaking his head. The metal door slammed behind him and he glanced back to make sure the kid was gone. Turning back to the table, he squatted down to inspect. _Salvageable._ He scooped the crystals into the bag they came from and shoved them into his pocket as he stood. 

He was on the third flight of stairs when a head of red tossed hair appeared over the rusted out railing above him. He nodded up at the man and the face disappeared back over the railing. The stairs creaked beneath his feet as he passed exposed pipes along off white paint. He came to the top platform and his face was unreadable in the fluorescent light. 

“No interruptions,” he said. The man in front of him nodded and walked past him, descending the stairs. Ben opened the door and entered into a cleanly painted white room with a kitchen counter and a mattress on the floor. There was a single small table with one chair. He walked to the mattress and flung himself onto it, propping himself up just enough to see out of the window on the wall above. It was cloudy and snow floated on the breeze then swirled. He reached over and picked up a pipe, fishing a crystal from the bag in his pocket and reaching for a lighter. He ignited it under the pipe and gazed out in front of him, breathing in deeply on it and holding it in.

He was thinking. Of pale round skin and black velvet hanging on either side, framing her buttocks. His head rushed and his heart rate increased. He unzipped his pants and lit another crystal. He remembered the feeling of her soft skin against his palms, the way her butt formed to his hands, pressed up between his fingers. His head floated and the intense need to enter her strained at his cock. He pulled his pants down, letting it jump up from his underwear, breathing in deep and slow, holding it in as long as possible. He gripped hard, going up and down, thinking of entering her over and over again. How tight it had been. How she had fumbled for something to hold, desperate for more. For him. 

He felt like his heart might rip from his chest. He couldn’t hold it anymore and he breathed out. Lit another. He needed more. Needed to close the distance. The veins bulged from his member and he felt the desperate need to release the tension. He could hear the slap of their skin together, banging in his ears, her moan sending fire through his veins and echoing in his head. He didn’t need anything else. Just this moment. Just her. He came at once, white cum across his abdomen and he squeezed the tip of his penis, pure euphoria running through him as he slid his hand down to the base. 

He was gasping for breath, eyes slammed closed. Feeling his skin against her, reaching around her front to stroke between her legs. He could hear her moan. His satisfaction was deeper than he could have imagined. He wanted it to be her turn. Wanted to stroke her until her knees gave out, push his fingers inside until she clung to him for all her pleasure, until she needed him completely. 

He opened his eyes and came crashing down. Cum was spread across his hand and stomach. His chest heaved, his hair was wet on his forehead. He told himself he didn’t fucking care and looked out the window. At the rooftops outside. He didn’t fucking care, he told himself. And he felt like he was being torn apart. 

* * *

When Rey opened her acceptance letter it didn’t feel real. She tore it open in a hurry, then actually reading that she was accepted, she found herself stuck in the beginnings of a smile. Was it real? Was it okay to be excited? Would something go wrong and rip this from her before it could come to fruition? She swallowed. And her smile spread more. She held the letter to her lips and breathed. 

Two months in, Rey wasn’t sure she was going to make it, though everyone around her couldn’t stop singing her praises. She was excelling. A natural. And maybe she was, but she was also consumed in studying, practicing; living and breathing academy. She poured herself into the rigors of it. She was even making friends. But on days where she mourned that there was nothing else in her life outside of this all consuming task, she would hear a plane overhead and feel settled in the assurance that she was going to make it. That she would do what she had to do. 

Rey was eating cereal the morning of her graduation and looking at the rose. She had taken it out of her hair that night after the restaurant and left it with the dress on the floor. In the morning when she sat on the edge of her bed and saw it again it had filled her with a grief and rage that sent her flying towards it. She had lifted it off the ground, gone to throw it across the room, and stopped. She put it in a glass of water on her kitchen counter instead. 

It stayed there for a week. She frequently flipped it off in passing. She’d walk by it with a, “fuck you,” and shove it into the corner. She’d go to toss it, then set it back against the wall. As it started to show signs of wilt, she’d poured the water from the glass and hung it upside down to dry from a cabinet handle.

One day she stopped at Goodwill and bought a simple small vase. She took down the rose, put it inside, and set it by her sink in the kitchen. She started telling it good morning and repeated study material to it. On bad days she’d look at it and say, “I know. I’ll make it happen,” and get back to work. One day she told it she wasn’t mad anymore. And another she admitted they made a good team; better than anyone she’d been paired with at academy. 

The morning of her graduation, when she finished her cereal, she put the bowl in the sink and looked again at the rose.

“I’m graduating today,” she said. “I hope you’re well. And—thank you. For believing in me. And making me feel less alone in this.” She picked up her bag and made for the door. She turned back. “I hope we do see each other again. I’d like to say all of this to you in person instead of—like this,” she smiled. 

“Anyway,” she sighed. “See you later.” 

* * *

Rey entered the building in formation. Her gun was drawn and she shifted beneath her bullet proof vest, settling the weight of it. She was focused. She knew the mission and she knew her role. Her heart was pulsing in her ears but the fuzziness of adrenaline in her brain stepped in time with her training and she continued on. 

It had been eight months since the restaurant. Eight months of academy, making her first friends, and going on her first assignments with the Harborview Police Department. She was eager to get into the grit of it. To hold people accountable for their actions; to add some order and security to people’s lives. For the most part she had been patrolling and doing menial duties with her partner, Finn. But the Harborview department was perpetually short staffed, and since she had excelled in academy, she had been included in assignments that were typically reserved for more experienced officers. Today was one of those days. 

A tip had come in about drug related activity in the old Weller warehouse. The mission had a tight window. They'd been tracking one of two major drug lords in Harborview and the tip stated that Snoke himself was on site. They left now or they missed their opportunity. Captain Dameron had pulled together a team, but it was tight. When Rey offered to go he had agreed. She had suited up, much to the protest of Finn, but Dameron was firm and Finn was left behind to help hold down the fort while they were gone. 

As they swept the floors of the Weller warehouse, Rey stayed tight to Dameron, keeping her eyes sweeping for threats. She followed, gun at the ready. _Breathe. Look around. Stay in formation. Breathe._ They surged up the staircase. This was the real deal. Labeled jackets and bullet proof vests. She reveled in it. As high strung as her body felt, she was in it. This was it for her and she knew it. Bring it on.

They reached the sixth floor and flanked the door from the stairwell. Dameron counted down with his fingers then motioned to enter. The door opened easily and the first officer surged through, clearing the hall. They followed him keeping tight. When firing began Rey jumped and felt the gun rise in her hand of its own accord.

They were standing exposed in the hallway with nothing to take cover behind. She saw an officer fall. Dameron grabbed him and started dragging him back toward the stairwell they’d come from. Rey took aim down the hallway, identified a body, and started shooting. They went down and a feeling of duty and satisfaction settled over her. She pushed forward by instinct, laying down cover.

There were still two men down the hallway and they had gone into rooms off the side to provide themselves cover. Rey surged forward down the hall and grabbed the handle of a door as Dameron called after her to fall back. It was too late to retreat. A man in a brown jacket was leaning out of a doorway and taking aim at her. She turned the doorknob and burst into the room on her right as the gunfire exploded behind her, plastic from the doorframe erupting at her back. She ducked into the room, arms going up to protect her head and eyes closed tight. 

Rey breathed deeply and opened her eyes, ready to turn from her half ducked position and return fire. Instead she froze.

There were five men in the room separated from her by two long conference tables. They were covered in blocks and bags of something white—cocaine? One of the men, in a grey suit, was smiling amicably at her. The four others were aiming guns at her. 

One was Ben. 

Her jaw went momentarily slack and her mind halted. She knew she should do something, react, but the words _see you later_ were drifting through her head with so much irony that she couldn't focus. The radio clipped to her chest came to life, jarring her from her stupor. 

_“Rey, what’s your status,”_ Dameron’s voice came over too loud in the silent room. She locked eyes with the man in the grey suit, struggling not to look at Ben. He was tall, thin, his suit only slightly too loose. His face seemed drawn in a way that wasn’t emaciation, but something else. Some kind of trauma, Rey speculated. He was was so calm. And his smile unnerved Rey in a way that made her feel like this man was unpredictable. That he wasn’t safe. She had never seen a picture of him, but she was sure this was Snoke.

“Put the gun on the table and let them know you’re pinned down but secure,” said Snoke. She debated about trying something, anything, but she knew she was outnumbered. Gunfire from the far side of the hall was getting closer. They were advancing, pushing her team back. She stepped forward and set her pistol on the table in front of her then slowly reached for her radio and responded. 

“This is Rey, I’m pinned down but secure,” she repeated. She didn’t take her eyes off Snoke. 

“ _Copy that, Rey. Hold tight until the hall is secure,”_ came the reply.

She willed herself even harder not to look at Ben.

“Copy,” she responded. Snoke nodded. His demeanor made a shift toward sour as he continued. 

“Now put your hands in the air and go stand in the corner like a good girl.” 

Instant repulsion rattled through Rey. She looked at the four men with their guns still pointed at her. Her eyes whisked across them and she tried not to linger on Ben, whose face was a stoic mask; unreadable. She swept the room with her eyes. She needed a plan. She needed to know every resource at her disposal. There wasn’t much. A clock on the far wall, two paintings of flowers dipping under a spring breeze. And two long tables covered in plastic bags, a shit ton of cocaine, and duffels. Not a single chair in the room. 

“Enough, move!” He yelled with the last of his patience. Rey started tentatively for the corner, hands raised. 

“Take care of that,” he growled, looking to Ben. “Let’s go, pack it up!” 

Ben walked around the tables, reaching for Rey’s pistol on the table and tucking it into the back of his pants before closing the door and coming up behind her. He grabbed the back of her vest and shoved her forward faster. 

“Let’s go boys, we’re a little pressed for time," growled Snoke. They had sprung to life, bagging the drugs, throwing them into duffels. 

As Rey reached the corner Ben pushed her forward, her face close to the corner of the room and she put her hands against the walls to keep from smashing her face. Her head reeled. The gunfire in the hall had ceased. She could feel Ben’s fingers against her back and she had trouble swallowing. She had wanted to see him again, but not like this. She hadn’t told him she was going into the police academy. She hadn’t made that public knowledge at all. And he certainly hadn’t told her that he was a dealer. He had said something about managing a local manufacturing line. She clenched her teeth. 

She thought through her options. She thought about turning and catching him by surprise, disarming him and— she moved to another idea. None of them played out with a guarantee of Ben walking away. So she looked for another. What if he helped her. Would he have her back if she tried to escape? If she made that gamble and he turned on her, could she take him? Would she shoot him if he pressed her to that? 

_“Rey, we have backup—“_ Her radio burst with sound but her attention was elsewhere. Ben’s whisper in her ear held her solidly in place. 

“Wait for the signal,” he breathed. 

_“What room are you in? Over.”_

Rey stared at the corner of the wall, so close she could feel her quickened breath bouncing back to her. 

“Third room on the right,” said the suited man. They were in the second. Ben gave her a shove. 

“Do it,” he said, pressing his gun against her lower back. His voice was different. Deeper. Colder. She almost doubted she’d heard him whisper at all, but every fiber of her being knew that Ben was on her side. 

She reached up to her radio and responded.

“This is Rey, I’m in the third room on the right, over.” She was on autopilot. Waiting. Brimming with hope. Pressing her palms harder into the wall. She could hear the hurry in the room behind her. Crinkling bags, shifting duffels. Her faith was completely in Ben.

“Alright, to the door,” said Snoke. “Get ready. Ben, in the back. Bring me the radio.” 

Still holding the back of her vest, he pulled her away from the wall and turned them both around to face the door. The three other men were already lined up at the edge of the doorway, duffels in hand. Snoke stood next to them, pistol ready, waiting. Rey’s radio was giving a play by play of the plan. Their backup would come from the other end of the hallway and dispose of the remaining men laying down fire. Snoke seemed unconcerned by this loss. Her team would pass her room with Snoke, expecting to meet up with her instead in the third room down the hall. The stairwell would be an exposed escape once her team passed their door. It would be a bargain, and a tight window for escape if they weren't seen or heard. Snoke and his men wouldn't hesitate to shoot their way out and they were determined to do just that; get out. She was analyzing Snoke's plan versus her team's plan, when she was startled. 

“Fucking—“ Ben grunted, sliding his gun followed by his arm over her shoulder, crashing into her with his weight. The sound of footsteps were coming down the hall. She started to lose her footing, bending forward and he rolled over her shoulder, landing on his back on the floor and pulling her down with him. 

Signal received. 

Rey grabbed his arm like she had thrown him and ripped the gun out of his hand. She backed away and pointed it at Snoke. The footsteps passed their door. Ben was up, pulling her gun from his pants and pointing it back at her.

“Go,” said Ben. “Don’t lose the window. I’ll take care of this,” he said and he stepped in the way of her aim. 

Snoke looked between them. He was clenched, anxious to leave. He rolled his eyes in frustration and turned to open the the door, carefully. Silently. His decision was made.

He didn't need to say anything. The police in the hall would have heard him if he did, but it didn't matter. The order was clear and he was through the door. The three other men slid out after him, obedience at their core, and they were gone.

Ben and Rey were frozen, guns pointed at each other in silence. They could hear the officers clearing the hall and it occurred to Rey with sinking certainty that Ben had missed the window for escape. But he was a drug dealer. A part of the operation they’d come to shut down. She wasn’t sure how to feel. She’d wanted to see him again, and moments ago she had trusted him with her life. And he’d saved her. But the fact that she had a job to do was pressing on her intentions and she kept her gun raised, hoping that clarity would come to her before it was too late. 

Ben softened and breathed, lowering his weapon and turning to the door.

“You won’t make it,” Rey said from behind him. 

“I know,” he replied. Ben felt the sinking dread of his situation as well. Rey was safe, and that had been his entire aim from the moment she’d burst through that door. He hadn’t thought about what his situation would be in the aftermath. 

“Trade me,” she said, and he turned to find her close behind him, taught but certain. He looked down at her, temporarily taken by the task of observing her so close again. He’d imagined her for months, but the blurs of memory in his mind were being filled with solid lines. “Hurry,” she said, avoiding his eyes, pressing his pistol into his hand. Like clockwork he held out hers in return. She grabbed his arm and pulled the door partway closed, leading him to stand behind it. Her team had cleared the other rooms and were coming back down the hall. 

“Stay put until I clear the hall then take the opposite stairs,” she said. She turned to go but Ben reached up and held her behind the elbow. She turned and her hand rested on his arm. They held each other's gaze. There were words he wanted to say, moments he wanted to keep, but Rey knew they were so close to being out of time and she slipped out of his hold and peaked around the door. 

“Dameron!” She said, not wanting to startle the group by rushing directly out into a SWAT team. She saw him lower his weapon. 

“Rey!” He called in relief, “that’s not the third room, what happened?” Rey came out and beckoned down the hall.

Ben barely breathed, willing himself to be silent, having long ago learned he couldn’t pretend to be small. The smell of the stained wood was in his nose, and his pulse felt jolting, but he was fairly certain he was still. Rey was urgently leading them after Snoke and his men in the closest stairwell. Ben could feel his breath echoing off the door and he took long slow breaths to try to quiet the effect. He heard her team pass him and everything in him stopped for a moment as he saw their outlines pass in his peripheral vision beyond the hinges. Then nothing but ringing silence. 

He moved out from behind the door, peeking into the hall then making for the back stairwell. He knew this building like the back of his hand and was certain he could get himself out. He felt a wave of shock roll over him as he ran. He had almost thrown everything away for her. His freedom; even his life. He hadn’t even thought it about. He thought back to the moment she’d crashed into that room. 

The door had burst open, the doorframe flinging out in pieces around a body, and his gun had already been raised, ready to kill. The moment she had looked up, his mind had flipped. He had to blink twice before registering that it was really her. It was really Rey. The woman he couldn’t get out of his mind. The woman he felt on every rooftop, in every moment of hope or peace he could muster. The only woman he had ever _really_ wanted. The moment he’d accepted it was her standing there, he knew her safety was his priority. It was like Rey had said; he didn’t think of the consequences, just what needed to be done. 

Ben was simultaneously proud of her and angry. Proud of her getting into the academy and making it through. She wasn’t working at McDonalds anymore. She was a fucking police officer. He was impressed. And angry that any fantasy he’d had about finding her again was shattered. 

He’d scoped out the McDonalds she worked at about a month after their rooftop argument, but she wasn’t there. He never saw her there again. He went to the water tower, but she was gone. And after all this time of hoping, praying even, that he could make the small beacon of light that was her presence reappear in his life, he wished he could take it all back.

Because Ben knew what the anger he was feeling really was. He was terrified. As much as he had wanted to see her again, touch her again, he kew how their next encounter was likely to end. It was terror and it was grief that he swallowed down. Buried in focus and thoughts of duty. 

He was out of the building in an alley, and he was alone. He tucked his pistol into the back of his pants and covered it with his shirt. Hands thrust casually into his pockets, he turned onto the street and walked away slowly. Rey was the only officer that had seen him and no one else had a reason to suspect him. 

People were coming out of their business to stand in the street. The flashing lights and accruing cop cars were gaining attention and Ben slid into a crowd out front of a 7-Eleven. He leaned against the storefront to take some height off his frame and blend in. His heart was beating quickly and there was sweat forming on his temples, but he knew how to do this. Knew that if he moved in slow motion in the midst of all his adrenaline it would materialize as a smooth regular pace to everyone around him. Reaching into his back pocket he pulled out a pack of cigarettes and lit one slow and deliberate as he watched the scene unfold. A group came out of the building he’d just narrowly escaped, and he scanned their forms, waiting for a glimpse of faces. When she turned, he knew her immediately. 

He didn’t see Snoke and the others, and he rightly assumed they’d made a clean escape. He should have left then, but he was watching her. He wanted another moment to take her in. She was talking to her team and making sure the officer that had been shot was safely in an ambulance. Then she turned. Taking a deep breath she scanned the crowd with her eyes. Ben knew he should duck out and not push his luck, but he was rooted to the spot. Waiting. Her eyes swept the crowd, crossed from the other side of the street to the 7-Eleven, and then she saw him. 

Rey froze. He was there, leaning so casually against the front windows of the shop, smoke from his cigarette rising at his side. He was looking right at her, blending in but standing out to her. Her heart dropped then flushed back up her body. She felt the eyes of the entire neighborhood on her and she dropped her gaze to keep from giving him away. The first man she’d ever felt cherished by and she felt betrayed. Again. Whether by Ben or the whole damn universe for giving her something good then making it absolutely impossible for her to keep, she wasn’t sure. 

For a moment she considered turning him in. It was the only way this could end. Better he end up in jail than shot in the next raid. She let her eyes land on Ben once again. He was just dropping his cigarette to put it out and as he looked back up he met her gaze. She was giving him that glare, that look she made when she was so focused she didn't even realize her face was a scowl. He gave the slightest smile before turning and disappearing into the crowd. 

She didn't say a word. She let him go, a clear pattern emerging. And a dread, a fear, and a certainty settled into her. Her hand reached for her badge and she felt its edges before realizing she'd moved to hold it. Despite her training and her duty, Ben was safe from her. Safe with her. How could she reconcile that with the oath she'd taken? An oath that she believed in. She turned back to the flashing blue and red lights, the team that had become her family. She would get it under control; get herself under control. Before she saw him again, and she knew she would, she'd find a way to reconcile this. As Poe appeared in front of her and put a hand up to firmly grip her shoulder, the secret sank deeper inside her still.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ya'll are the best. Don't forget it. Drop me a kudo if you enjoyed this chapter and give me your feedback in the comments!
> 
> This chapter took me a lot longer to put out because I had an authenticity crisis. I do not have intimate knowledge of how the police department works. Or how to deal drugs. I'm doing research but I'm not an expert. So I apologize if you do have intimate knowledge of those things and this doesn't line up. I've decided that writing this is about having fun, enjoying these characters, and letting the intensity of the story play out. If you have advice or inside knowledge let me know a bit about vocabulary or how you think this should go!
> 
> Until next time.


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